How to Support Toilet Learning in a Montessori Classroom and at Home - Part I

Over the past several years, I have worked in Montessori Infant Community classrooms with children from approximately 15 months to three years old. At any given time, several children are usually in the process of learning to use the toilet.

Through classroom observation and close collaboration with families, I have come to see toilet learning not as a single skill, but as a complex developmental process involving body awareness, understanding, coordination, and independence.

What Does It Really Mean to Use the Toilet Independently?

When we talk about toilet learning, we first need to look at the goal: The child can use the toilet independently.

These words describe an ability that adults often take for granted. For a two- or three-year-old child, however, reaching this goal involves many challenges. Let us take a closer look at what independent toileting requires.

First, physically, the child needs to become aware of the sensation of a full bladder.

Then, cognitively, the child needs to understand that when they feel that sensation, they can go to the toilet and sit down.

Finally, in terms of practical ability, the child needs to be able to pull down their pants, sit on the toilet, urinate, get toilet paper, wipe, pull their pants back up, flush the toilet, and wash their hands.

Full independence develops gradually. A child may be independently aware of the need to use the toilet while still needing help with clothing or hygiene. Toilet learning is best understood as a progression toward increasing independence, rather than a single moment of success or failure. For a two- or three-year-old child who is still developing in every area, this process requires a great deal of effort. It is a significant challenge.

As teachers and parents, we need to consider how we can help children learn to use the toilet calmly and with relative ease. How can we support them as they work through the many challenges involved and move toward this important new stage of independence?

After closely examining the toilet-learning process, I identified three key points.

1. Becoming Aware of Bladder and Bowel Sensations

Around the time many children begin pulling to stand and cruising, they may also become increasingly aware of bladder and bowel sensations. This growing awareness develops alongside the maturation of the nervous system.

Montessori educators have traditionally connected this emerging awareness with the broader process of nervous-system myelination.

A detailed explanation of myelination would be somewhat lengthy and would interrupt the flow of this article, so I plan to address that topic separately in a future post.

2. Connecting the Bodily Sensation with Sitting on the Toilet

At home, parents can naturally allow the child to observe them using the toilet. When necessary, the adult can break the process down into separate movements in order to demonstrate it clearly. This follows the Montessori principles of presentation: Use few words and move slowly. When the child shows interest, invite them to practice sitting on the toilet.

A Practical Tip

In my own classroom and family experience, many children initially showed interest in standalone potty chairs but later preferred using a toilet that more closely resembled the one adults used.

At school, we use child-sized flushing toilets. At home, I recommend using:

• a stable step stool;

• a child-sized toilet seat that fits securely on top of the adult toilet.

This arrangement allows the child to climb onto the step stool independently, turn around, pull down their pants, and sit on the toilet. The smaller toilet seat can reduce the child’s fear of falling into the toilet. It also lowers the actual possibility of slipping into the opening. Whatever setup a family chooses, it should be stable enough for the child to sit with their feet supported. Child-sized toilet seats and step stools like these are widely available online.

3. Toilet Learning Begins Long Before the Bathroom

Using the toilet may seem simple, but when we break it down, it involves many separate steps:

• pulling down the pants;

• sitting on the toilet;

• urinating;

• getting toilet paper;

• wiping;

• pulling the pants back up;

• flushing the toilet;

• washing the hands.

If we were to write this as a complete Montessori presentation, it would probably take fifty or sixty individual steps. Those of you who have written Montessori classroom albums know exactly what I mean.

These steps bring us to the Montessori concept of indirect preparation. Through the Montessori activities children do every day, we are already helping them practice and gradually master many of the abilities they will need.

For example, we provide:

• a specially prepared handwashing activity;

• opportunities to practice putting on and taking off pants;

• activities that develop hand-eye coordination;

• practical experiences that strengthen balance and movement;

• routines that help the child follow a sequence of steps.

When the child eventually needs to combine these abilities into one complete toileting process, the main challenge is learning how to connect the steps. This reduces the difficulty of independent toileting as much as possible. The child is less likely to become frustrated because a limited ability causes them to get stuck at one particular point. Too many moments of difficulty can sometimes cause a child to lose confidence, motivation, or enthusiasm for learning.

Throughout the toileting process, we follow a consistent Montessori principle: We allow the child to do as much as possible independently.

In the Infant Community classroom, which serves children from approximately 15 months to three years old, the teacher generally helps with wiping after a bowel movement. At home, parents can also begin showing the child how to wipe. This can be demonstrated just like any other practical-life activity. In our experience, many children can begin practicing wiping around age three, while effective independent wiping often develops later. The timeline varies significantly from child to child.

Now let us look at how children gradually move through the process toward greater independence. I divide the process into three stages.

Stage 1: Becoming Aware of Elimination

Many people overlook this stage, but it can be very important, especially for younger children around eighteen months old. During this stage, children need opportunities to experience what it feels like when their clothing becomes wet. They need to rediscover some of the wet and sticky sensations that highly absorbent disposable diapers may have reduced. In this way, they begin to understand the natural relationship between:

• urinating and having wet pants;

• having a bowel movement and having clothing that feels sticky, dirty, or smelly.

Children who have worn disposable diapers since birth may have had relatively little opportunity to notice the immediate sensory result of urination. During the first few days after diapers are removed, some children urinate while standing and look surprised when they see liquid running down their pants. This experience helps them begin to connect what is happening inside their body with what happens to their clothing.

In my classroom experience, some younger children needed several weeks of repeated experience before this connection became clear.The goal is not to leave the child wet or uncomfortable. The learning comes from noticing what happened, hearing calm and simple language from the adult, and participating in changing into dry clothing. Gradually, the child begins to understand: When my body urinates or has a bowel movement, there is a physical result. Wet, sticky, or soiled clothing feels uncomfortable.

A Note About Disposable and Cloth Diapers:

Cloth diapers may offer clearer sensory feedback and may align with some families’ environmental priorities. Children who wear cloth diapers may become familiar with the sensation of wetness earlier, which can support toilet learning. However, disposable diapers have greatly reduced the physical workload placed on caregivers, and their contribution should not be underestimated. I understand this deeply from my own experience. When my two children were young, the workload of changing and washing diapers for both of them would have been enormous if we had not used disposable diapers. If I had become excessively exhausted, I would not have had the energy or emotional well-being needed to care for my children properly. Whether to use disposable or cloth diapers is therefore something each family can decide according to its own needs.However, diaper choice alone does not determine a child’s readiness for toilet learning or eventual independence.

Some children who wear disposable diapers skip this first stage and move directly into the second stage. I will discuss that later.

Stage 2: Inviting the Child to Use the Toilet at Regular Times

During this stage, the child begins participating in the routine and successfully urinates or has a bowel movement in the toilet. The number of wet-pants incidents decreases significantly and may eventually reach zero. In our Infant Community classroom for children from approximately 15 months to three years old, we invite children to use the toilet at intervals of approximately two to three hours.

We usually invite them one at a time during transitions between activities. A Sample Infant Community Routine. These times reflect the rhythm of our classroom, not a universal schedule.

Our usual toileting times are:

• when children arrive at school, between 8:00 and 8:30 a.m.;

• after snack or before outdoor activities, between 10:00 and 10:30 a.m.;

• after lunch or before nap, between 12:00 and 12:30 p.m.;

• after nap, between 2:15 and 2:45 p.m.

When possible, families and teachers can share information about the child’s usual rhythms and use similar transition points at home and school. Consistency between home and school can make the process easier, but the child’s individual patterns should always be considered. The way in which we invite the child is very important. If it is handled poorly, the child may begin resisting the routine or become unwilling to use the toilet.

Dos and Don’ts

Make using the toilet part of the regular routine. Treat it as one step in a larger sequence, just as we wash our hands before eating and brush our teeth before bed.

The message you communicate should be: This is simply part of the natural order of the routine.

Avoid repeatedly asking:

“Do you need to pee?”

“Do you want to use the toilet?”

Questions like these can unintentionally turn toileting into a negotiation. For some children, they shift attention away from bodily signals and toward resisting the adult’s request. As many parents and teachers have discovered, the answer is very often an immediate: “No.” Once toileting becomes primarily the adult’s agenda, it can easily turn into a power struggle. When it is presented as part of a predictable routine, participation often becomes easier.

You can show empathy:

“Mom thinks stopping to use the toilet is inconvenient too, but we still sit on the toilet before we go out. Would you like to go first, or should I?”

You can make it inviting:

“Dad needs to use the bathroom. Would you help me flush, and then it can be your turn?”

You can remain firm:

“First we use the toilet, then we wash our hands, and then we go to the park. That is what we do.”

You can explain the logic:

“I can wait for you, but if we wait too long, we will have less time to play at the park.”

You can reassure the child:

“We are just going to sit for a moment. It is okay if no pee comes out.”

If the child is strongly unwilling to sit on the toilet, there is no need to force them. Perhaps they genuinely do not feel the need to go. Or perhaps this will become another opportunity for them to notice the sensation of wet clothing. When a child wets their pants, remember that they may feel especially vulnerable in that moment. Whatever you may be feeling internally—frustration, annoyance, or even a sense of “I knew this would happen”—do not show it. Stay calm and matter-of-fact.

In moments like this, a little acting skill helps: keep your expression relaxed and your voice gentle.

You might say:

“Your pants are wet. We do not have clean clothes with us, so we will change as soon as we get home.”

“The car seat is wet. We still have twenty minutes before we get home, and then we will help you get clean and dry.”

“You know where your clean pants are. Would you like to change by yourself, or would you like me to help?”

When clean clothing is available, help the child change promptly. The learning comes from noticing what happened and participating in the process—not from being left uncomfortable. In the bathroom, help the child remove the wet clothing and clean their bottom and thighs as needed. Before putting on dry clothes, invite the child to sit on the toilet again. Then, in a calm and natural tone—as though you were simply commenting on the weather—you might say:

“Next time you feel like you need to pee, you can sit on the toilet. Then your pants can stay dry, and your body will feel more comfortable.”

The description above may sound a little playful, but I am trying to communicate one important idea: Every wetting incident gives the child another experience to learn from. As long as the adult remains calm and does not judge, it can become a valuable learning opportunity. Gradually, the child begins to understand the connection between sitting on the toilet and keeping their clothing dry. This understanding may also increase their motivation to go to the toilet independently the next time they feel the need.

But if the adult says:

“See? I asked if you needed to pee, and you said no. Now your pants are wet.”

Or:

“You wet your pants again. How many times have I told you that pee goes in the toilet?”

comments like these can quickly undermine the child’s confidence and make toilet learning more difficult. The shame, frustration, anger, or embarrassment the child experiences may become significant obstacles in the process.

Stage 3: Waiting for the Flower to Bloom

When the child feels the need to urinate or have a bowel movement and intentionally goes to the toilet on their own, that is an “aha” moment. If the earlier preparation has been done well, this moment often comes naturally. ne day, almost without noticing when the change occurred, you realize that the child has begun using the toilet independently.

They no longer need to be invited.